My Holy Shit I Look Old Exfoliating Facial Mask

After seeing some un-doctored photos of myself at a recent photo shoot, I concluded that perhaps it's been a while since I did anything nice for my skin. This mask will literally rip a few years right off your face.  But beware, it's not for people with sensitive or sagging skin, and keep it away from your hairline and eyebrows!  if you spread it too thin it won't peel off nice, so slap it on thick! 

• mix 2 tablespoons of unflavored gelatin with 2 tablespoons milk
• microwave for 10 seconds
• apply to face (avoiding your hairline and eyebrows)
• let harden for about half an hour, then peel off
• do not, under any circumstance, answer your door with this stuff on your face (unless its trick or treat night)